20 June, 2009

"My Father's Golf Game . . . "

Greetings,

Okay, this one's gonna be . . . mmmmmm . . . well, I don't quite know what this one's going to be. So I'll make you a deal, I'll just start typing - and you just keep reading - and we'll both see where this ends up.

My father and I have always had a somewhat strained relationship. I swear, if you do a google image search for "distant, silent type," there might actually BE an picture of my dad. In spite of this, he had an indelible effect on the man I became. He had strict requirements of his two boys; impeccable manners, promptness, an exacting work ethic, consistent oil changes, and honesty.

I have always looked back, with a certain amount of humour, on what my parents MUST have thought of the practically alien creature that I MUST have seemed as a child. My abiding hope is that my folks would lay in bed at night and smile with wonder at most of the drama that always seemed to surround me. There were four of us in our home. My retired military father. My high school beauty queen mother. My incredibly athletic older brother. And me - rehearsing Bach for hours each day - obsessively fussing over my wardrobe - and pouring through design magazines. My father played golf. I played the organ. To say that we never had much in common is kind of overstating the *very* obvious.

But, I'll call Dad this afternoon to wish him a Happy Father's Day. We'll have a stiff, stilted conversation about his golf game and my gas mileage. We'll most likely both be a bit uncomfortable. But, I know that it would break his heart if I didn't call. I also know that he loves me. He knows that I love him. And, damn it, I'll make sure that we both say so. My father would want it that way. He taught me good manners - and more importantly - honesty.

tartanscot

12 comments:

Fabulous Finds Gal said...

Oh my, this is really heart felt. Sending you a big hug today for being a great son, making the call and saying I love you.

red ticking said...

wow. real brutal honesty. sad in a way, but heartfelt. i am glad you are going to call him and remember, He created you. and we are all glad you are here. x pam

Preppy 101 said...

The two most important statements in this post are "I also know that he loves me. He knows that I love him." When all is said and done, that's what really matters. Have a good conversation!

GrannySmithGreen said...

My gracious, what a post! I adore your HONESTY. Amazing, pointed and sincere. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

maison21 said...

wow- very nicely written post and one i certainly related too, being a fellow "alien creature" and all... but at the end of the day, no matter how little we have in common with our fathers, the values our "alien" fathers gave us, as well as the love, are what matters. i couldn't talk sports with my dad (or much of anything, really) but i know he would have given his life for his "alien" son- and how many kids on this planet are lucky enough to say that?

again, lovely post-

christian

Alicia said...

Raising a glass for your honesty. I bet the fuzzy warmth you wished to receive from your father, you give to everyone surrounding you. Its what I do. From one odd out to another...a lovely week to you.

Anonymous said...

what a loving sentiment, which i am certain is far more common and shared by legions of family members no matter what the 'alienation'. i am curious to know if your dad reads your blog. i know i am better for having it on my favorite list! thanks for the hunk of love. kathi

Renee Finberg said...

i think you have a great attitude.
more people should think like you.

xx

Karen said...

Well I'm sitting here crying over a sad situation between a father and a son. You come to a point where you just have to get on with it, don't you? The wishing for something different probably never goes away, so you are left with, well . . what it is. You are handling your relationship (or lack of) with your Dad with such grace - but I bet it took a while for you to get there.

tartanscot said...

hey y'all -

I hope y'all understand that I don't think either my father or I feel some sort of animosity towards each other. He's just a very quiet man from a very different generation.

I actually kinda proud of the relationship that we've been able to carve out for ourselves. It was a long time coming - it isn't perfect, but few relationships are. It's all about making sure that everyone knows that they are loved. Beyond that, it just kinda is what it is.

and we had a great chat yesterday - and yes, we talked about his golf game and my car - lol -

Scribbler said...

Beautifully written.

My Dog-Eared Pages said...

I did not feel any animosity described here. I thought it was a beautifully written, honest post. I'm sure your phone call went just as planned!! ; ) Barbara

PS... Bach and organ, any day!

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